Thursday, August 25, 2011

Never knew how much I needed a baby

There are many reasons why there is five years between Gideon and Bo, but one of the largest was the passing of my Father. My heart sunk into such a deep dark abyss that I couldn't imagine bringing another baby into the world with such a cloud over my head. The world lost its color and the grief was just too great. 
Then we began praying for a little girl and even named her Ruth (Ruthie!) and sure enough found out quickly we were expecting a boy! Oh but the Lord gives us exactly what we need not what we want. I knew immediately his middle name had to be Dominick after my Father. It still grieves my heart that my Dad will never meet him, but there's great healing just holding that baby knowing he's named after my Dad, it's balm to my soul. Like I said, I never knew how much I needed a baby.

"When peace like a river attendeth my way when sorrows like sea billows roll, whatever my lot Thou has taught me to say It is well, it is well with my soul." Horatio Spafford 1873
  (My favorite hymn sung at my Dad's Memorial service)


Amanda said...

so beautiful! I too last my father (4 yrs ago this Nov) and 2 months after his passing I found out I was pregnant with my 3rd and we were in NO WAY wanting or ready for a 3rd, but He has been our biggest joy and blessing and I could not imagine our family without him. I only wish my daddy could have met him. Enjoy that little man!

Mama said...

This interaction brought me solace when I lost my grandmother while I was pregnant with my son: My 8 year old cousin explained to me, "Your Nana had to go to heaven so that she could pick out the perfect baby for you."
I bet your Dad had a hand in picking out Bo.
Thank you for sharing what you do on your blog. Best to you.

Lara said...

Thank you for the wonderful post Maria. It has made me quite emotional (at work) at the moment. My father passed when I was 14 from cancer. Now at 30, we are not ready for kids yet but do think about it for "someday". This really made me think about things and it is very special. I also love the quote. Thank you as always. I look forward to your work everyday :)!

J'Anns Boutique said...

This is such a great post Maria. May your dad rest in peace and all his best qualities live on in your little one.

Kelly O said...

My heart cries out to you when reading this post. One of the most blessed trips I ever made was to your dad's memorial service. I am so glad I was there, it is forever in my heart. I will never hear "It is well with my soul" without thinking of your dad. we sang it at church last week and of course, i thought of him! one song that spelled it out for me in a few words was Jack Johnson's "If I Could" - he sings, "New life makes losing life easier to understand." since I had Cora almost exactly year after my dad died, her birth made me view life and death differently. The song sings, "one goes out, one comes in." in to this earth, out to an eternity with our Savior (not sure if good old Jack meant it like that, but that is how I translate it!). there is beauty in life, beauty in death. it is just hard for those left behind to see sometimes, I suppose.
Love you,

Meghan said...

Oh, how our family can relate to this post. My father-in-law was diagnosed with cancer right before Dustin and I got married and I selfishly prayed, prayed, prayed that he would live to meet his first grandchild. Sadly, God took him less than a year before we got pregnant... with a boy... who is named after the man that we lost but loved so dearly. Now our Donovan has brought such immense joy to our whole extended family. I never knew we could all smile so brightly and laugh so hard spending time all together again. He is a true blessing and yet another one of God's incredible miracles. Thanks for sharing your heart and I'm so happy to know that Bo has brought you such a sense of peace and healing.

kiki said...


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