Monday, November 9, 2009

At the Banquet table

One year ago today my sister, lil brother and I lost our father to cancer. An extremely rare and bizarre aggressive disease took his life in one year's time, even stumping my father, a brillant physician. In fact, he was the epitome of life and served my small town in NJ for over 30 years, leaving a gaping hole in all our hearts. I've grappled with writing any of this as my broken heart is still so tender because in the end I wasn't just his daughter but his nurse. Grief is something you can never prepare for, rush, or dictate just embrace allowing your heart to cry every last tear. These words are two fold; to perhaps minister to anyone in a similar situation and thank those who walked beside us in this deep valley. I cannot express in words my deepest gratitude to every angel person who called, cooked, sent cards and flowers, listened, hugged, prayed and cried with us.
Through this incredibly traumatic experience in the midst of tremendous tribulation my Father birthed a faith that left me speechless clinging to Psalm 23 and now I rest only in knowing my Father sits and feasts at the banquet table {Ps 23:5} that "I can only imagine."

Dad, your impact as a physician and father is far greater than you can fathom, your memory and legacy live on in my heart everyday. I miss you more than words can say, I love you.

Dad and I

Dad, me and sister Laura

Lil brother Joey and Dad (Kayaking in Okinawa, Japan 2007)

My wedding day

"When peace like a river attendeth my way, when sorrows like sea billows roll, whatever my lot Thou has taught me to say, 'It is well it is well with my soul' Horatio Spafford 1873

{My favorite hymn sung by my husband at Dad's Memorial Service Nov 2008}


paula said...

Really I am at a loss of what to say. I couldn't imagine. I will lift you up in prayer though.

MamaGray said...

Beautifully written, Maria.

Anonymous said...


Grief so deep does your father honor. As a nurse you are well acquainted with wounds. It is often said that time heals wounds. I believe this wound is healing but it will surely leave lasting scars. Ones that will be refreshed here and there but hopefully with increasing happy memories.

I wish you God's peace as you move forward into the future with your Dad's memory firmly in your grasp.

Much love & prayer.


Nina said...

Maria, Wishing we could share a laugh, a hug and a good cry in person.

Anna said...

Maria. This brought me to tears. Not only for your deep loss, but also for your joy in knowing such a tender father-love.

How blessed you must feel when thinking of him, even though your heart must ache.

It is amazing we serve a Lord who enables us to say, and truly mean, "It is well, it is well with my soul."

Much love and care, Maria.

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